Women With Muscle Have Feelings, Too!

If you're a woman in this sport, chances are you hadn't even stepped on stage for the first time before you had people lecturing you and giving you their unsolicited opinions of your physique. By the time you're halfway through your first contest diet, and visibly leaner and more muscled than the average woman, you stick out from the crowd.  I know personally I wear a jacket or hoodie at work for much of the Summer just to avoid some of the commentary.  Don't get me wrong, the overwhelming majority of people either keep their thoughts to themselves, or give me very flattering complements. And I thank them for that. Having to be so focused on your body all the time is something that can drive a person insane, and to be overly critical of themselves.  But there are those out there that, for whatever reason, be it jealousy, personal taste, or being straight up wicked to any and everyone they encounter, feel the need to throw disheartening comments our way once in a while. There's one word in particular that's the hardest to hear. "Manly". And while these instances are far fewer than the positive comments, they are still hard to take.

It's hard not to come off self-centered to those who don't understand or compete in this sport.  From the outside perspective, they see someone who's in amazing shape already, who never seems to be satisfied. They see us in the off-season, and they can't understand why we need to diet and lose 15lbs before we step on stage, even when at 128 and 5'5" we're at a very healthy weight and look phenomenal.  We seem to always be posing, measuring, sacrificing. Everything we do is premeditated and a means to an end. Are we self centered, are we neurotic, or are we just doing what's necessary? So I do have an appreciation for the outsiders' perspective, and I do understand that this sport is not everyone's cup of tea.  But that still doesn't give some of them the right to single us out, and criticize us for something we've purposely worked and sacrificed so hard to attain. Basically, it's a socially acceptable form of bullying on a small level.

Best. Outfit. Ever.

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I pretty much kept to myself as a kid. And despite the fact that I was a raging nerd [Evidenced by the picture to the right, and the terrible outfit I am rocking in it] came out unscathed.  Horse sweatshirt, checkered leggings, red hair, freckles and all, I was treated pretty great.  I was never really singled out much, and made it through high school without ever being stuffed in a locker or Swirlyed.  Over the years occasionally I was singled out a day or two for the two things that set me apart from everyone else - which is what kids do: My crazy Polish last name, and my firey red hair. It seems now, that 20 years later the same thing is happening. People are picking the one thing that really sets me apart, and turning it into a bad thing. Just because we're adults, doesn't make it okay.

At some point, each of us has had a friend, coworker or family member randomly hit us with an insult to our physique that can momentarily have us second guessing our participation in this sport.  And none bothers me more so than being referred to as 'Man-ish'.  Some of these things aren't necessarily meant as digs or insults, but I know personally being called 'manly' is the hardest to take regardless of who it comes from. Everyone's personal opinion of what's feminine is varying, just as everyone's perceptions of beauty can be. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to assert my opinion of your femininity, weight, looks, or any other attribute, so what is it about a athletic woman that has people so fired up, and so assertive of their opinion? Why is it socially acceptable for myself and others like me to be talked to like that, and not be allowed to retaliate?  In my opinion, it's no different than being picked on for my red hair, crazy lazy name, or freckles.

I realize that you cannot please everyone all the time. I know I am way too hard on myself, and put too much stock into what others think of me. But no matter how much staring I get used to, no matter how impervious I pretend to be to the verbal onslaught I occasionally receive, every once in a while one of their barbs gets through and hits me in a soft spot. And almost every time that word is the culprit. But I need to realize that they could not be more wrong. I am tiny- I am barely 5'5", I am an XS or small in almost every shirt I own. My feet and hands are impossibly tiny for my overall size. No sausage fingers or manhands here.  My arms are like.. 11 inches.. How can one be manly, and be tiny? I'm sorry, but that doesn't fit in my personal perception of the word. I just don't see it. And those are just the physical attributes. Internally I am a massive softie. I cry during TV shows and movies like crazy. I can't walk past a dog without petting it. I watch Animal Planet for hours. I am afraid of the dark. I wear makeup every day because I want to look pretty for my husband. I am a whiner, a crier, and a paranoid perfectionist. I am not some tough as nails hardass, despite any misconceptions my muscled physique may send you.

At the end of the day, each time one of these insults flies my way and affects me, I do end up at the same positive conclusion: What other people think about my participation in this sport is meaningless. I am not hurting myself, I am not hurting others. I am sacrificing nothing morally or emotionally. Quite the contrary- This sport gives me something to wake up for in the morning. It gives me purpose.  Too many people wander this world totally devoid of purpose or drive, especially as adults. I am thankful to have something which benefits me on so many levels. Hopefully at the heart of it, that's what is ultimately driving these insults: People wanting what they don't have themselves. Which is something I've never understood, however I know it's the driving force between a lot of disagreement and negativity in this world. And if that be the case, that's sad. There are a lot more important things in this world to hate and belittle. You can say what you want about me. But at the end of the day I'm confident in the choice I have made. Life is good, and one little word can't take that away from me.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me;)